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Self-Intimacy: Enjoying Your Own Company

Updated: Aug 17, 2022

When discussing intimacy, especially within a long-distance relationship, it needs to be noted that your partner may not be available all the time. Although being intimate with your partner is great, it is important that you can be intimate and self-comfort yourself when needed. As a woman or queer individual, there may be instances where you need/want to quench this urge or to relieve some stress.

To help establish comfort and acceptance with one’s own sexuality and self, without shame, or discomfort is liberating. It's powerful for a woman to bring themselves to a release on their own record, without the dependency of another. This also gives you the opportunity to reflect on your own well-being and discover what works best for you.


Woman in faded Demin shirt is sitting on the ground looking up as if she is thinking. In one hand she is holding a pair of glasses up to her chin, in the other is an open book.
Self-Intimacy Ideas

Listed below are a few suggestions on how to develop Self-Intimacy...


Tools: There may be instances where you need some sexual release, but there is no one currently available to help quench this need at that time (long-distance/busy partner, single). Self-pleasure, masturbation, can be an excellent tool for times like these. This can also be enhanced with a toy or some ethical adult content.


Alone time: Spend some intimate time with yourself. Use the time to get to know yourself personally. What are your fears, your hopes, your dreams? Dive beneath the surface of your inner self. Experience your emotions, and explore your thoughts deep down. Spend some quality time there. Being alone gives you time to self-reflect without the judgment of others.


Journaling: Sometimes when writing down your thoughts and feeling, it allows you to look at them from a unique perspective. This can help prevent thoughts from continuously swimming in your head. Also, you can look back at your writing and gain useful insights about yourself. What are some of the patterns you notice? Are there any triggers that cause you emotional or physical distress? With this new information, you can take meaningful steps towards becoming the person you want to be (communicating with your partner, developing healthy habits, seeking help from a therapist and/or coach, etc.).


(Bonus) A Weighted Blanket: A weighted blanket can help relieve stress and anxiety. It can improve sleep, and calm your nervous system, while also mimicking the sensation of a hug. Figure out what weight works best for you before investing in one.


There are many ideas out there. You are the person who knows yourself the best. The Kinky Life Coach is here to guide and provide a safe, supportive environment for women (and femme queer individuals) who would like to be coached on how to develop self-intimacy. Learn about what works best for you. Embrace the pleasure you can bring to yourself through the power of self-intimacy.

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